Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
