I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How external is "for external use only"?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
