Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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