Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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