I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
