Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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