she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
