We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
