Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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