I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
