i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
