and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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