so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
