I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
this will be a night to untag.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
