so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
