I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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