I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize