sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're like the curious george of whores
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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