Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
