it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
