I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
