a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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