are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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