Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
