she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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