Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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