Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
