if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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