My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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