dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
