I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
