Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
