He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize