You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
