i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
