we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
