It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
