She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
