marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
