the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
