If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize