No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
