she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
