We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize