Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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