I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
