I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
