We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
