the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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