it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
