we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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