i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
