We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
