I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize