I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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