literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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