no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
