i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found puke in my bra..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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