Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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