There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
