Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
