the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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