I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
