My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
