Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
