Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
