she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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