Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize