No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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