He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
