oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
