giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize