there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
