I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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