I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
