Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
