I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
