careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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