I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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