Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
And then he peed in my hair
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