Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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