Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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